Forgiveness

It was been brought to my attention that I can be a bad person (not their words.) It's not me personally but my thoughts and actions. I mentioned to my husband tonight that "sometimes I hate myself." It is true but he pointed out that, that's not fair to me and I am a wonderful person, I just tend to not think before I speak therefore not realizing the consequences. I think that is the thing I hate about me. I say/do stuff before realizing what might happen. It makes me question my loyalty as a friend and how many people I have hurt/lost as a friend because of something I said and didn't realize it.

It is definitely something I'll be working on. It's at the top of my list now and pray that those that I have  hurt can forgive me. Im very thankful for God's grace each day. I am also thankful that at least some have truly forgiven me. They know I didn't mean any harm and I'm blessed they can forgive me.

On the another note, it is hard finding it out through another person ( mutual friend) because that means they would rather tell another person how I have hurt them instead of coming to me about it. It hurts, especially when you were once, verty recently, best friends and did a lot together. It's ok. I forgive them for not truly forgiving me and coming to me about "our" problems.

Some friends are only meant to be in your life for a short time. God has his reasons, haven't figured this one out yet, but I will in time.

It's been an emotional night and now in going to really watch what I say and hope to be that "good" friend I thought I was.